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The 10 Step Program to Selling Your Screenplay
You are now ready for the last critical steps in the 10 Step Program to Screenplay Sales Success, or the "10SPtSSS" (pronounced "ten-sput-ehsssssss"). Only by thoroughly understanding and steadfastly practicing
the first 3 Steps and the extended 6 Steps will you be able to utilize the powerful information about to be revealed in the final steps.
If you have skipped the first six steps and jumped right to this point - well done! I like that! It shows initiative. Just like you skip to the last few pages of the book
to find out how it ends because your time is too valuable: "Let's see, page 862 - The ring gets thrown into Mount Doom and Lord Sauron is defeated. What was all the commotion about?"
We at ScreenplayWire are obliged to point out that if you have not studied (and we mean studied) the initial six steps, we cannot vouch for your safety when making a pitch.
Too many well-intentioned amateurs have bungled their way through the most important meeting of their lives, unaware that the slightest miscue can spell disaster. Have you not heard of spontaneous human combustion?
If it were only you to concern ourselves with, it wouldn't matter. But every ham-fisted, incompetent and inept presentation by a screenwriter has an effect on everyone else in the business. Don't make us all look bad.
Please take these valuable lessons to heart. Seriously, if you haven't read Steps 1-6, do so now. We'll wait.
So, for the diligent writer who wants to reach out and grab an opportunity by the cojones, we dangle before you:
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STEP 1 - Write a Good Script
STEP 2 - Find the Right Studio
STEP 3 - Buy a Nice Suit
STEP 4 - Identify the Decision Maker
STEP 5 - Get the Meeting
STEP 6 - Exploit Their Weakness
Selling is like arm twisting… it's better behind their back.
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STEP 7 - Negotiate to a Win / Win
No matter what you may have heard, negotiation is a science, not an art. You can replicate events exactly, and get the same results every time.
In my own experiments I have found that using the words "You wouldn't know your a** from a hole in the ground!" will end any meeting immediately,
as will "You have NOT seen better scripts on a cereal box, jerk!", "Oh yeah, you and what other army?" and "&%#@ OFF, YOU UGLY BASTARD!"
(by then shouted over your shoulder as you're dragged out the door).
Certain actions are absolutes. Never, ever, smoke during a pitch. It is inevitable that the temptation to put out your cigar/cigarette in
his/her drink/face will be too strong. | |
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To achieve the results you want, there must be give and take, ebb and flow, "Tit for (Paul, please look up the rest of this reference. I don't remember how it ends - thanks).
In sum, You want to sell your script… they want to steal your script.
The point is to establish a mood that says "We have a good thing here, let's not screw it up."
Try to foster a relationship of trust. Express your willingness to work with any director, actors or locations they may choose. In a true spirit of compromise,
offer to change any part of the script that artistically and intellectually must yield to the sensibilities of the skilled craftsmen entrusted by the studio
to bring this cinematic masterpiece to the screen, all for only $10 a word.
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STEP 8 - Energy, Energy, Energy
Pitch meetings can be marathon sessions, and if you detect a bit of head bobbing or droopy eyelids among your foes… er… potential partners,
then it is time to up the energy levels with a snack. Time for you to take charge and order just the right cuisine to impress and seduce.
Consequently, you must be aware of the local food customs. If the pitch is in Pittsburgh (Heinz 57 Sauce is perfect for product placement in a
vampire/slasher flick, and who doesn't like pickles?) - don't order Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches, unless you plan to have them personally delivered by Ben Roethlisberger
or Terry Bradshaw. If you don't know these names, you have no business being in Pittsburgh. These two names come up (and believe me,
when one comes up, the other is bound to come up, possibly with considerable force) in every conversation in the city, from beauty parlors to realty
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offices, from schoolyards to rail yards: "UPS delivery…
if you don't sign for it I'll toss it like Big Ben!" "Yeah, and I'll swat it like Clemente!" (Roberto Clemente also comes up a lot.
And don't use the words "immaculate" or "reception" in a pitch, unless you're prepared to spend 20 minutes talking about Franco Harris and the beloved "Stillers" and four goddam Super Bowls).
Most pitches will be in LA or the Quad Cities, so you're pretty much good to go with either organic Chilean fish tacos or pork chops covered with bacon bits and ham, accordingly.
One more thing -
DO NOT order chopped spinach or anything "fizzy." It will be embarrassing, one end or the other.
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STEP 9 - The Power of Product Placement
"Product Placement" is fast becoming a film staple. Companies pay money to have their product featured (sometimes prominently) in a scene or scenes in a movie. For example,
if a chacter is having a drink, then the bottle will be nearby, with the label conveniently facing the audience. If a character is using a computer, Apple pays a fee to the film producer
to make sure it is a Mac, with the Apple logo clearly visible. This can be a significant source of income. Some believe that 50% of the shooting budget for Raising Arizona was derived
from product placement fees collected as a result of setting the shootout in a grocery store.
You can use product placement to help sell your screenplay. Clever product references that promise more money for the bottom line can help tip the odds in favor of your script. However, be subtle.
A script was pitched where the entire film took place in a Cheetos® factory, with the storyline beginning on a truckload of corn. The lead character then follows through the grinding process, the forming, baking
and then covering with the orange flame retardant (required after that horrible trailer park fire in Tupelo). The plot progressed to packaging, with the male lead battling the sinister forces of Trans Fats.
Frankly, this was just too obvious. When at the end, our hero and his girl fall out of the packaging machine in Cheetos® costumes, it was just too much. The fact that this script was actually shot and made into
a movie in no way justifies this form of commercial excess (though it was changed to Doritos® and exhibited only in Latin America).
It is called Product Placement, but don't overlook the Service aspect of what is available. Whole categories of services can be utilized in a script, from tax preparation firms (though this is hard
to work into an action film), to laundry and dry cleaners (actors are such slobs), realty firms (Red Carpet® will put up their signs in almost any neighborhood shooting location, so you can make big money if your screenplay has a factory
closing with big layoffs, or a mortgage crisis), and many others.
I'm always puzzled why more producers don't take advantage of the cash cow that is mortuaries. National funeral home
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Product Placement - Golden Goose or Treasure Chest?
chains would lay out big bucks for the kind of exposure they could get from something like the Godfather series. Not to mention casket manufacturers and candle makers.
Irregardless, you will improve the chances for your script's green light if you are creative. A minor character that is a neat freak offers a bonanza of cleaning products to display, as would a hypochondriac.
Imagine the female lead's brother-in-law, a sleep deprived hemophiliac with chronic joint pain, psoriasis, foot odor and erectile dysfunction. You could just about retire on this guy. But use caution.
The pharmaceutical industry is so incestuously intertwined that it is easy to feature competing products without knowing it. And you don't want to piss off GlaxoSmithKline™. I hear Smith is connected, and
Kline is a wiseguy. Either one, you don't need that kind of tsores. Glaxo may not even be from this planet.
Keep in mind that product placement is a bonus that augments your script's attactiveness to a producer or studio, but it is not the main hook. If you haven't carefully determined what concepts are hot, what actors are
in demand and available, and arranged to meet the right person at the right filmmaker, your pitch is in danger. You have to go all out. Now you must throw good money after bad in order to salvage your script and your career.
You need Step 10, and you need it bad(ly).
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On to Step 10 - Closing the Deal (and all about creating "buzz").
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